DAILY ENCOUNTER


by Dick Innes ~ ACTS International http://www.actsweb.org
Partnering with NCF Ministries: http://www.ncfliving.org



  TOUGH LOVE IS TOUGH

"But when he [the prodigal son] came to himself he said, 'How many of my father's hired servants have bread enough nd to spare, but I perish here with hunger! I will arise and go to my father.'" – Luke 25:17-18 (RSV)

Today I received a letter from a wife whose husband is addicted to pornography. She told me she loved him, but didn't know what to do because he wouldn't go to a counselor for help.

My advice to her was twofold. First, she needed to see a competent counselor to guide and support her through this tough time. I also advised that it was very important that she have strong moral support from a few friends she can trust to be there for her. None of us were meant to go it alone in times like these.

Second, she needed to have very healthy boundaries and exercise tough Love. It's one thing to love the person, but it's another thing to keep supporting them when they won't admit they have a problem and/or if they won't go for help to face and resolve their problem. If we don't take a stand against destructive behavior and keep supporting that person, we aren't being loving. We are being afraid, weak and codependent. And in the process we become a part of the problem.

The classic example in the Bible of healthy boundaries, tough love and non-codependency is found in the parable of the Prodigal Son as told by Jesus. The father let his son go and left him to his own devices. It was only when the son spent all that he had, lost all his friends, and ended up in a pig sty and hit bottom, that he came to his senses. Did the father stop loving his son? No. But neither did he protect him. He allowed him to suffer the consequences of his destructive behavior. That's the model for us to follow with our loved ones who are involved in destructive behavior.

It can be incredibly difficult, but it is the most loving thing we can do for them.

In the parable of course, the father is God and we are the prodigal sons and daughters. God won't protect us from our self-destructive and willful ways. But like the father in the parable, he will keep on loving us and welcome us with open arms when we come to the end of our senses and turn back to Him.

"Suggested prayer: "Dear God, thank you that you love me no matter what. Please give me the strength and courage to clean up my own act and then take a stand against wrong and evil where it is needed for me to do. Gratefully in Jesus' name. Amen."




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Dick Innes
ACTS International
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Arcadia, CA 91007-2608
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